A client I’ve been working with for about a year recently started seeing a man who treats her like a Queen.
This being extremely unfamiliar territory for her, has left her wondering if she deserves it?
Perhaps she should walk away from it.
His showing of love affection, gifts and inclusivity was feeling like too much and she needed some space to integrate it, but she was not sure how to ask for that space. Instead of asking for what she needed, she considered walking away from the whole shabang. Thinking maybe she’s just meant to be alone.
Upon deeper inquiry she came to understand that she had never been treated with such deep respect and reverence, and because it was so unfamiliar, she wasn’t sure how to navigate it.
The creation of a new relationship with a partner who wants to give her the world was overwhelming. Especially because the things he wants to give her are not necessarily the things she wants to be given.
Which is why I’m always telling folks, when entering any new relationship, it’s VERY important to teach the other person how to speak your love language.
The 5 Love Languages
Here’s a quick review of the 5 love languages are:
- Acts of Service – you love when your sweetie takes the trash out for you, or hangs the mirror when you ask them to, or gets your oil changed in your car when it’s time.
- Words of Affirmation – You love when your sweetie tells you what a great mom you are, what an incredible cook you are, how beautiful and smart you are.
- Gifts – You love when your sweetie brings you flowers, jewels, chocolates, and more.
- Physical Touch and Affection – You love when your sweetie caresses your arm, cuddles with you, touches and kisses your face.
- Quality Time – You love when your sweetie spends time with you in a very present state, no screens, no distractions.
In general, when someone does not know your love language, they will shower you with their own love language or they will shower you with the love language they learned from a previous relationship.
Basically, they are guessing, until you teach them how to love you.
One of the first things I recommend that all my coupled up clients do is to read The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman together, so they can really begin to understand how their partner likes to be loved, which could be totally the opposite of how they like to be loved.
Every relationship is a blank canvas, and after the initial honeymoon phase is over, it’s time to slow things down enough to consider which paints you want to use, which brushes will serve you at this point in your life and what colors you want to be looking at for years to come.
The honeymoon phase can last up to 2 years for some couples, but most women will begin to wonder where this is going at about 3-4 months. This is because of their wombs.
At 3 months gestation a woman knows if her pregnancy is going to hold or not and she can start making plans for her coming baby.
I believe because there is such a strong connection between the womb and the heart. A woman’s heart starts to question where things are going with this exciting new connection, after 3 months (a trimester).
What Love Language Are You?
After a powerful private coaching session, my client realized that she had manifested her King, which took a lot of internal work on her part, so it would be better not to throw it all away. Instead she would take a pause and figure out how to tell him what feels nourishing to her. She needed plenty of time and space to herself, and though she was not 100% sure what her love language was yet, she knew that all the gifts he was bombarding her with were overwhelming her senses. Gifts was not her love language, at least not the gifts he was giving.
Through our session she found her Inner Queen, who gets to have love AND time to herself. She does not have to apologize for who she is or where she is at in her life. She does not have to hesitate before expressing her desires. She CAN AND WILL state clearly what her needs are.
She awakened to the fact that other people’s feelings are not her responsibility and that she only has control over her own emotions.
If you’re wanting to explore your own Queendom – and feel into what it means to be the Queen of your own life –
Join me and 6 other experts in the fields of sexuality, psychology, spirituality, dreaming and the feminine arts…… for a ONE DAY virtual retreat called DREAMING THE QUEEN AWAKE – it’s happening on Saturday, May 1st, and I hope to see you there.
LIGHT AND LOVE,