Blog/Vlogs

A Different Kind of Christmas Story

Last year, I took a personal pilgrimage to the lands of my ancestors to get clear about whether or not I was meant to become a Mom in this lifetime..

There I was, deep in the heart of Ireland, far from all civilization, lost in the mountains as the wind blew and the rain began to wet the earth and me.  The sun was getting low on the horizon, and I began to question myself for taking this hike so late in the day.  I’d been wanting to find these Celtic megalithic burial tombs for weeks though, (some of the most ancient burial tombs in the world!)  

So, there I was in less than ideal circumstances.  I’d already been hiking for over an hour and when the tombs were not where they “should” have been, I went off trail. 

If you’ve spent any personal time with me know that my sense of direction isn’t super stellar, even with a GPS  I get lost – ha – but thankfully I have great intuition and that eventually leads me to my destination.

The wind and rain was picking up and I had about 40 minutes of sunlight left.  In my journey off the marked trail, I found an old ruin.  In my mind it was the ruin of a church or place of worship and since I was now feeling lost, alone and scared, I paused to say a prayer for myself.  I called on the power of my ancestors and asked them to guide me back toward the trail that led to my car.  

I stood in the middle of that church for a long time vacillating between fear of freezing to death out there in the Irish boondocks and trusting that I’d find my way back.  Eventually my faith overpowered my fear, and I dropped into a deep trust.  My prayer at that point was just to find the trail home, I had surrendered my desire of finding the tombs. 

I began to walk in the direction my intuition guided me.  Several minutes later, I still could not find the trail, but just up ahead, I could see the tombs.

I crawled inside one of them, despite the waning sunlight.  The opening was small, and I had to slide in, like a squatting cat. Then I dropped down, so that I could stand in this small open space. 

It was dark inside, but I could see the stones that surrounded me and even more importantly I could feel them.  It was as if they were beings that summoned me there to listen to them. 

Being in the cave was a welcome respite from the driving wind and cold rain.  I sat there alone, in the dark in this ancient burial tomb, way out in the middle of nowhere, with no reception and no one to call.  I was a little spooked at first, but then I allowed my sense of faith and love for this land to take over.  

I got still, centered, and calm and I listened.  I began to feel the essence of Yeshua present in the tomb with me, it felt comforting.  A moment later Innana (Goddess of the night) let me know she was at my back.  She communicated that she was there to protect and hold me, and that all of me was welcome.  Whatever was to come through this experience was of the highest good for all. There was no judgement or criticism in this space.

These two deities invited me into a sacred tantric union.  Yeshua at my front welcomed me into yab yum (a tantric position), and Innana behind me created a warm, soft field of light that I could lean into.

I began to breathe, drawing the essence of Yeshua up through my yoni and into my body.  Soon I was making love to the spirit of Yeshua, who holds the most compassionate and unconditionally loving energy of any ascended master.  I could feel waves of unconditional love and acceptance flow up through my yin meridian (front midline, receptive channel). 

 I could feel my heart chakra expanding and my whole body warming up.  I began to run the micro-cosmic orbit (Taoist Sexology Practice) up my yin channel and down my yang channel (spine).  Inanna was behind me the whole time drawing the energy down my spine and out into the ethers. I felt I was a conduit meant to spread unconditional love to all of humanity.  It was one of the most sensual and spiritual moments of my life thus far.  

Almost a year to the date later, I shared this story with my Living Sexology students.  This story really piqued the interest of one of my students who let me know that she was ready to make love to a deity.  I was thrilled to guide her in this!  

The deity she chose was non-specific, not a certain Goddess, God, Angel or Ascended Master, but instead a white, luminous, radiant being, who was full of light.  As she allowed this entity to enter her heart it moved easily and fluidly throughout the rest of her body.  Making her spine move, open and undulate like water.  

I guided her to feel her feet on the floor, keeping her hips open and strong.  Her body began to sway side to side, and she expressed that she was not the one doing the movement.  Her throat felt more open and expansive than it had in years and her hands began to move around her head, face, and jaw, moving her cranial bones and releasing years of tension and stress, that had been super compounded by this year’s stress from COVID! 

At the end of our session she felt more present in her mind and heart.  She reported feeling warmer and more in her body as if all the stuck fluid in her head was now flowing to places in her body, where it’s more needed.  She said it had not felt super sexual but that it had felt absolutely incredible and she felt like a whole new person.  I told her that making love with entities or spiritual beings can happen through any portal in the body, the heart, the yoni, the throat, Spirit is indiscriminate.

This single session was such a powerful example of how joyful it can be to transform pain into pleasure!  The discomfort that had been building up in her body this past year, due to many COVID stresses, in her country, personal environment and her family, and all the build up from so many years before were now a thing of the past.  She now knows how to open herself up to the intimate love Spirit has for her, so that she can drop into pleasure.

Which is exactly what I dropped into and experienced for myself last year at Christmas.  I learned that pleasure is always at my fingertips and it only takes a single breath to shift my perspective and open myself up to the presence sensuality provides.

I left that experience knowing that it’s not my calling to become a mother in this lifetime.  What I’m called to nurture is the people who are already here on this planet at this time.  That’s you!  I’m called to support anyone who feels lost and confused.  Anyone who feels uncertain or doubtful, or anyone who simply wants to learn how to use their sexual energy to ignite their vitality

I do this with the Ancient Wisdom Approach, which is the approach to life that I offer women and men around the world.  It is a deep wisdom that blends the Chinese 5 elements and the 4 phases of the moon.  When you know how to use these two systems, that are a part of your body’s function whether you are aware of them or not, you can create a wealth of vitality and sensual pleasure in your body.  No matter what you’ve been through or who you are, living your life according to the Ancient Wisdom Approach will have you moving in an upward trajectory.  Infused with the unconditional love of Yeshua I offer this wisdom to my clients with love and compassion.  

So this Christmas, as we enter the AGE OF AQUARIUS – and experience the WInter Solstice on Monday December 21st….

I want to offer you this: 

The season is the same as last year – the holiday music is playing in the stores, the Christmas cookies are baking, the families are gathering (whether in real life or on zoom). But something is off…

The world has shifted immeasurably this year – and that might call for a shift the way you experience this holiday season. 

Instead of a consumer driven frenzy, how about re-crafting the holiday around something a bit more…magical? 

I invite you to tune in, and create a new kind of Christmas Miracle for yourself. 

If you need some ideas – here are some that don’t involve travelling to ancient pegan tombs 🙂 – but can still put you in touch with Source. 

Some Magic Ideas: 

Sing! – Sing Christmas songs, or sanskrit chants, make up your own songs. Sing anything that makes you feel aligned with Spirit and brings you great joy!

Craft! – Creativity is the essence of sexuality, it’s an opportunity to get curious, to explore, to connect with yourself and others.  So even if your painting ornaments for the Christmas tree or baking cookies with your nephews, the creative energy that surges through you and lights you up during these activities, is igniting your sexual frequency.

Kiss! – get under that mistletoe and kiss your Beloved like it will be the last kiss you ever have, kiss you kiddos, kiss you parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles (even if it’s a virtual kiss), kiss your pets.  If you don’t have anyone to kiss, kiss yourself, your hands your feet, your arms, honor yourself, love yourself like the amazing person you are.  If you don’t think your amazing, think of someone in your life who sees you that way and love yourself from that perspective.

Adorn yourself! – Even if you have nowhere to go and no one to see, get dressed up.  Something changes inside of you when you change your outer appearance.  Looking sharp builds your inner confidence, so even in times of COVID lock down it’s important not to fall into the sweatpants routine.  Dress nice, put on some jewels and walk around your house with your head held high.  You will get through this challenging time.  What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!  A lot of good character is being built among individuals right now.

Pray! – Or meditate, whatever your jam is, be sure not to gloss over it at this time.  Keep it at the top of your priority list.  My Dad reads the bible every morning – not my jam, but I can see how it keeps him very present, centered and content all day long.  I meditate every evening, and chant and connect with Spirit through nature throughout the day.  What’s your way? (I would actually love to know your tradition – feel free to email me if you want to share ;). )

Tithe! – Since it is the season of giving, yet many folks don’t have much to give, it’s time to get extra creative with your tithing.  You could give a dollar to a person in need or you could give them a smile, a nod or a God-bless.  Give them something so they feel seen and acknowledged.  Give everyone you encounter your presence, that is one of the biggest gifts you could give.

Light and Love to all of you this holiday season – And cheers to big changes, inner shifts, and all kinds of pilgrimages!

– Dr. Willow Brown

Did you grow up with Religious guilt? (The Shame Series)

In my last article, I wrote about what shame feels like – and what you could be experiencing instead.

It’s a big topic. Which is why I’m bringing you this Part 2: All about religious shame.

Did you grow up with Religious guilt?

Me too.

Somehow, I was able to not succumb to the imposed guilt too much. I actually developed a rebellion toward it; and this “shadow” aspect of guilt was not without its own hold over me. It got me into some sticky situations, for sure!

It’s no secret that our culture has been built on the bedrock of fear, shame and guilt.  

It’s no secret that the opposite of these emotions is love. 

While fear, shame and guilt has been instilled to keep order over the people, as we are seeing in the world today, there is also a deep uprising of love, because love is innate.

These dark and light sides to humanity reside in you, they reside in me, they reside in all of us, that’s why you can relate to both sides.

The question is, what leads your journey? Love or Fear?

I’d like to notice whether the voices of guilt and shame have the tone of your mother’s voice, your father’s voice or your religious leader’s voice then those voices are not inherent to you.

If guilt and shame are not really who you are, then who are you?

Take some time to journal who you are without the confines of guilt, what choices would you make differently, how would you carry yourself differently, what kind of people would you surround yourself with?

Take a step further to explore who you would be, could be and are without shame…. this may take some outside support…. I’d love to support you in this

You’re welcome to set up an introductory session with me.

Unraveling yourself from the doctrine you were raised with can really require the support of a trained coach or therapist. No shame in asking for that support.

Religion carries a deep sense of spirituality that feeds and nourishes your soul, it also holds a sense of “control” that makes you feel like you are nothing without it. 

This can be confusing if you are a spiritual person by nature and a people pleaser. 

Coming from a huge catholic family myself I understand the conundrum this opposing message can create in you.

I know what it takes to find your own sovereign truth in the midst of all the outside messages. I’ve helped thousands of people come to clarity within themselves. 

I don’t believe you need to throw the baby out with the bathwater.  I believe you’ve got to release yourself from the “control” that keeps you playing out your life inauthentically. 

You’ve got to trust that the light within you will not disappear when you clear out the shadows.  In fact it will only get brighter.

You are the only one who can heal this divide for you. And you are not only doing it for yourself, but for your parents and their parents and all the way back through your ancestral line.

You also do this healing for your children or any future children. 

You are here to shift the epi-genetic code, simply by your shifting your relationship to spirit, and making choices from a place of love.

What I have found is that when you let go of “control” of the outcome; the way your life looks, where you are at by the time you’re 40, the way you look to others, and how you feel about your own life, you get closer to Spirit.

You develop a closer, more powerful relationship with God/Spirit/Goddess and begin to know that this powerful force is inside of you.

I can hear my own father’s voice, he became a born again christian during my teens, and he’d follow me around the house reading the Bible!  He’d say, “The kingdom of heaven is within you!”  

He had his spiritual awakening while I was busy going through puberty, (good times)!  

To this day he reads St. Brigit’s prayers everyday and stands on the podium at church to read from the bible most Sunday’s. He is all in with his religion, but even more in with spirituality! To him they are one and the same.

As you might imagine his spiritual awakening and my hormonal crises created a huge rift in our relationship for the better part of a decade. But as I healed my own dualistic, confused relationship with the doctrine of religion and pure spirituality, I was able to honor his relationship with it.

I now see my Dad as a man with incredible faith, in fact, he has more faith than anyone I know, and it brings tears to my eyes the devotion he has to his practice and the relationship he has to his God. My two brothers and I find it astounding and inspiring! 

Without even knowing it, he’s become a master practitioner of something called santosha

Santosha is one of the yoga sutras, (kind of like the 10 commandments of yoga), it’s the practice of surrendering your preferences. This means you have to train yourself to let go of “liking” and “disliking” things. 

You have to stop seeing things as “good” and “bad” and start seeing things through the eyes of acceptance. 

You may be thinking, “but some things are completely unacceptable!”  

It is true that things are often “unjust,” and “unfair,” but if you let your emotional state be yanked this way and that way by what you believe is fair or unfair, you will be exhausted from the emotional roller coaster.

Santosha is the true path to contentment.  And contentment is a longevity practice, it can add years to your life, not to mention quality.

It doesn’t mean you won’t take actions to change the way things are in your life, it’s not acceptance in the way of complacency. 

It’s acceptance in the way of meeting yourself and your life exactly where you are at. When you do this you release the element of resistance that keeps you in it’s grip, and free up your energy to be in love, rather than shame and guilt.

I want this for you! If you want this for yourself – consider hiring me for transformational private coaching.

All My Love!

Willow

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How Shame Feels – And What You Could Be Experiencing Instead.

Shame is the Opposite of Vitality! It’s the Silent Killer.

Shame, next to fear, is the most debilitating emotion you can endure. Whether it’s a fleeting moment of embarrassment or a deep well of intense self-doubt that’s been with you your whole life, shame steals your vital life force energy. 

Few emotions are more draining for your Chi.

What is Shame anyway? 

You know what it feels like, you’re familiar with the terrible shrinking quality that makes you want to hide your face behind your hands….

But what is shame, beyond an emotional state?

Let’s break it down. Physically shame feels like a sinking inward, a recoiling of the heart, a rounding of the shoulders, a posture of protection.  

Emotionally it oppresses your inner light.  

Shame is different from guilt.  Guilt is when you feel like you did something wrong.  Shame is when you feel like you are wrong.

Shame is a rabbit hole that keeps going and going, until you learn to stop it, clear it and become immune to it.  

Becoming immune to shame means it no longer has a grip on you. In fact you can become so immune to shame that it doesn’t even occur to you to shrink away when the person you most admire tells you you’re not good enough for them.

If you’re still living in the grips of shame, there is no shame in that.

It’s a deeply ingrained emotion that we as a human species are still climbing our way out of.  

You’ll know it still has a hold on you if you hear the word in your head, “I’m not good enough,” or “I’m just too much for most people.” 

This message is an imprint that was likely stamped into your DNA at a very early age, perhaps all the way back to when you were in the womb.

It carries on into your childhood, teens, and early adult-hood, keeping you from living out your highest potential.  

What is your highest potential? It’s the life you wish you had, the money you dream of, the home you desire, the relationship you envy.

Shame is like a wet blanket over your highest potential. It dims the light within you that is your vitality, creativity, confidence, and authentic drive.

This deep sense of shame can inhibit you well into your 30’s, 40’s, 50’s and beyond. 

It will affect your relationships.

It will affect your finances. 

It will affect your health. 

It will affect your work.

You have to choose a different path.  

A path of being worthy!

Now let’s talk about the first major shame trigger – body shame.  

Your body is your vehicle in this life, it’s a beautiful temple to be honored, tended to and cared for. If you’re stuck in body shame you will not feel that way about your vehicle (your body). 

You could have a lot of contempt for your body, especially your belly, breasts and skin or even your penis or vulva.  You might hear regularly in your head that you need to work out more, do more sit-ups, hit the trail everyday, do more push-ups so your arms don’t get flabby.  

While I’m a huge advocate of exercise, doing it in a state of resentment, shame and doubt is not healthy.  You’ve got to let go of the drill sergeant, and start talking to your body with kindness and love!

I dare you to rub some coconut oil over your least favorite parts of yourself tonight, (thighs, belly, breasts, arms) and repeat the words, “I love you, I love you, I love you.”  This sacred practice will help you transform the voice of shame, that is so loud in your mind, into one of kindness and love.

One of the most common things I see with my patients and clients is an unfortunate estrangement from the natural feminine or masculine aspects of themselves.  My client Beth, had grown up hating her body, in fact it was part of her family culture. Her Mom hated her own body and her sisters were also obsessed with the way they looked.  All these women were gorgeous in their own ways. 

Through my eyes, the Mom looked slender, healthy, a shine to her eyes and hair and a glow to her skin.  It was shocking to hear of her contempt for her body and made me quite sad for not only her daughters, but women-kind. 

Beth’s sisters were both fit, healhy, had straight teeth, nice smiles, and when she told me that their outer appearance came from a deep inner hatred of the small amount of cellulite on their thighs I cringed!

I’d like to pause here.

I have a new word for cellulite.

It’s luvulite – pronounced love-you-light! 

Try it out ladies.

And guys, if your reading, don’t go around telling your woman you love her cellulite – that will not translate well.  Instead tell her you love her legs, that she has a beautiful body and you really enjoy feeling it against yours. 

Back to Beth… in just 3 sessions we worked deeply and efficiently to eradicate the voice of shame that had been running on repeat her whole life.  It no longer has a grip on her.

Of course the “habit” of that voice has the potential to creep back in, but Beth is now armed with powerful practices and tools that are entirely unique to her, they came from within her.  So she can battle that shame anytime it tries to sneak back in with ease and grace, until the “habit” of body shame is completely replaced with the “habit” of acceptance and love.

Now that she is no longer stuck on the body shame hamster wheel, she can start to see herself as a woman, and embrace her femininity in the way she has always envied other women doing.

She can let go of her masculine, militant, “work harder, push further,” voice and start listening to a new voice that says, “yes, child, that’s the way, if that feels good in your body then do it.”  and, “well beautiful girl, I think today is a resting day, no need to push yourself while you’re bleeding, just rest it out.”

My client Mark, is one of those sensitive kind of guys, he carried a heavy load of shame around being this way.  

He’d grown up with a very “man’s man” kind of father and his brother took after his Dad, so that left Mark always wondering what was wrong with him…. Why did he have to feel so much?

Mark could not remember a time he did not feel shame, self-doubt, and self-hatred.  He had always been sensitive to words, looks, energetic frequencies, vibes from others.  He felt this especially from his family, and lived with this very ‘grating” feeling that no one understood him, therefore he felt he’d never find anyone who could.

Our journey together took more time, but within 6 sessions Mark was able to peel away several of the thick layers of doubt and shame that kept him from attracting relationships where he was truly understood.

He had to let go of some friends and come to terms with certain family members, he had to understand them, rather than trying so hard to get them to understand him. This completely changed the way he related to the world around him…. And what do you know?  The world around him began to shift.

He just started dating a gorgeous girl, who deeply admires his innate sensitive nature!  He is now finding a beautiful balance within himself in relation to his masculine and feminine energies.  

Regardless of your gender, orientation, or identification, you have a masculine side, who gets sh*^ done, and you have a feminine side who enjoys just being.

When you have a healthy relationship to both of these sides you become more whole, more of you is available and you are walking in the presence of your highest potential.

Let me know – Do you experience BODY SHAME ? And if you do, what does it stop you from experiencing?

If you want help releasing that for GOOD – book your Intimacy Hour with me. This is the absolute most inexpensive way begin to work with me – and you’ll be blown away at what is possible in just 1 hour of dedicated support.

6 New Lifestyle Practices To Stay Calm During Quarantine

While many people are getting swept up in the anxiety of these uncertain times, I am staying grounded and remaining positive…Not because I am naturally that way, but because I have been using the following Taoist principles every day!

Good news is that you can use these same principles *without* spending a lot of time on the computer, because I know you are maxed out on screen time like the rest of the world.

So let’s get right to it!

Taoist Principle 1: Slow Deliberate Movement

Spend 20-30 minutes a day doing slow deliberate movement, which means you are very present with your movements, and actually feeling energy move through your body as you breathe and move!  

  • This could be taking a very slow walk through your yard, feeling each foot-step as it lands and lifts on the earth.
  • Or a slow stretch routine that allows you to really feel into the meridians in your body (meridians follow the muscles and tendons; trust you are feeling them even if you don’t know where they are).

Chi Gong is my chosen slow flow movement, and I’ve created two 20-30 min videos for you to follow during the quarantine. One is for Immune health and the other is for anxiety. Access them here

Taoist Principle 2: Make a Magical Food

Since you are eating in more these days, why not put a little magic into your food? 

What does it mean to put magic in food?  It means to set an intention before you prepare a meal, for example: “My intention for this meal is to make something that makes me feel lighter, happier, and less worried today.” That would be a great intention for a breakfast meal!  

Then as you make the food, sing or hum or add some extra spices that excite your food.

As you eat your food, chew slowly and deliberately and as you take in the nutrients of your food imagine also taking in the nutrition of your intention.

This is actually the perfect time to do a cleanse, so if you would like some guidance with that.  It’s Spring, you’re stuck at home for another 3 weeks or more, why not do a 10 day cleanse?

Make a bone broth, what could be more grounding, centering and amazing for your immune, vitality and libido than a bone broth…. Never made a bone broth? Well now’s the time my friend! 

I’ve got a video for you to enjoy, so you can see how easy it is!

Taoist Principle 3: Develop a Daily Gratitude Practice

While times are challenging, and there’s no doubt the sense of security you felt two months ago has vanished, or at least shifted, this is a golden opportunity to take inventory on what’s working for your health happiness and well-being, and what is not.

Make a list of each, and without worrying about what is not working, place the list of what is going well in your world in front of you each day and read it out loud, feel free to add to it as the days pass.  Simply sit and feel a deep sense of gratitude for each item on your list until you feel a lightness in your entire nervous system.

If you want a guided gratitude practice CLICK HERE

Taoist Principle 4: Awaken Your Sensuality

Spend 5 minutes each day in total devotion to each one of your 5 senses.  

Spend an entire minute tuning into what you can hear inside your body, inside your room and outside.

Spend an entire minute tuning into what you can smell.

Spend an entire minute tuning into what you can taste.

Spend an entire minute tuning into what you can feel with your fingers – run them over your body, focus on the inner elbows, wrists and thighs.

Spend an entire minute tuning into what you can see, squint your eyes so your vision is blurred a bit and take in the textures, shapes, and colors

Taoist Principle 5: Tune into the Moon

Look to the sky at night and notice what is happening with the moon is it waning or waxing, full or new, take notes on how you feel in your body and in your mental state with each passing day of the moon as it shifts through its 4 phases.

Then send it to me in a month’s time! I would love to see how your mood changes with the moon.

Taoist Principle 6: Take a Shamanic Power Nap!

What’s a Shamanic Power Nap???

It’s when you lie down flat on the ground, you can place a pillow under your knees and small cushion under your head if you like. Place one handover your heart and one hand over your naval and breathe deeply as you listen for an intention to bubble up from your heart. Usually one word or a short phrase, like “peace,” or “wake up energized,” or “trust the unknown.”

Then tell your body to breathe deeply until you fall into a restful sleep, and set an alarm to wake you up about 20 min after you go out.

These are some of the SIMPLEST ways to stay calm and connected to your own pulse during a challenging season. It does require you to actually DO these things though. Start today, pick just one and try it on for size.

And don’t forget to GRAB your corona care package so that you can have immediate access to chi gong for anxiety, a practice for gratitude, a bone broth recipe, and more!

Lots of love,

Willow XO

Dreaming The Queen Awake- How to Align Your Sexuality, Spirituality, and Health to Achieve Your Highest Potential

A client I’ve been working with for about a year recently started seeing a man who treats her like a Queen. 

This being extremely unfamiliar territory for her, has left her wondering if she deserves it?  

Perhaps she should walk away from it.  

His showing of love affection, gifts and inclusivity was feeling like too much and she needed some space to integrate it, but she was not sure how to ask for that space.  Instead of asking for what she needed, she considered walking away from the whole shabang. Thinking maybe she’s just meant to be alone.

Upon deeper inquiry she came to understand that she had never been treated with such deep respect and reverence, and because it was so unfamiliar, she wasn’t sure how to navigate it.  

The creation of a new relationship with a partner who wants to give her the world was overwhelming.  Especially because the things he wants to give her are not necessarily the things she wants to be given.   

Which is why I’m always telling folks, when entering any new relationship, it’s VERY important to teach the other person how to speak your love language. 

The 5 Love Languages

Here’s a quick review of the 5 love languages are:

  1. Acts of Service – you love when your sweetie takes the trash out for you, or hangs the mirror when you ask them to, or gets your oil changed in your car when it’s time.  
  2. Words of Affirmation – You love when your sweetie tells you what a great mom you are, what an incredible cook you are, how beautiful and smart you are.
  3. Gifts – You love when your sweetie brings you flowers, jewels, chocolates, and more.
  4. Physical Touch and Affection – You love when your sweetie caresses your arm, cuddles with you, touches and kisses your face.
  5. Quality Time – You love when your sweetie spends time with you in a very present state, no screens, no distractions.

In general, when someone does not know your love language, they will shower you with their own love language or they will shower you with the love language they learned from a previous relationship.  

Basically, they are guessing, until you teach them how to love you.

One of the first things I recommend that all my coupled up clients do is to read The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman together, so they can really begin to understand how their partner likes to be loved, which could be totally the opposite of how they like to be loved.

Honeymoon Phase

Every relationship is a blank canvas, and after the initial honeymoon phase is over, it’s time to slow things down enough to consider which paints you want to use, which brushes will serve you at this point in your life and what colors you want to be looking at for years to come.

The honeymoon phase can last up to 2 years for some couples, but most women will begin to wonder where this is going at about 3-4 months. This is because of their wombs.  

At 3 months gestation a woman knows if her pregnancy is going to hold or not and she can start making plans for her coming baby. 

 I believe because there is such a strong connection between the womb and the heart.   A woman’s heart starts to question where things are going with this exciting new connection, after 3 months (a trimester).  

What Love Language Are You?

After a powerful private coaching session, my client realized that she had manifested her King, which took a lot of internal work on her part, so it would be better not to throw it all away. Instead she would take a pause and figure out how to tell him what feels nourishing to her.  She needed plenty of time and space to herself, and though she was not 100% sure what her love language was yet, she knew that all the gifts he was bombarding her with were overwhelming her senses.  Gifts was not her love language, at least not the gifts he was giving.

Through our session she found her Inner Queen, who gets to have love AND time to herself.  She does not have to apologize for who she is or where she is at in her life. She does not have to hesitate before expressing her desires.  She CAN AND WILL state clearly what her needs are.

She awakened to the fact that other people’s feelings are not her responsibility and that she only has control over her own emotions.

QUEENDOM

If you’re wanting to explore your own Queendom – and feel into what it means to be the Queen of your own life – 

Join me and 6 other experts in the fields of sexuality, psychology, spirituality, dreaming and the feminine arts…… for a ONE DAY virtual retreat called DREAMING THE QUEEN AWAKE – it’s happening on Saturday, May 1st, and I hope to see you there.

LIGHT AND LOVE, 

 

Embodying The Queen – 3 Steps to Sovereignty in Sex, Love, and Life.

Do you harbor the mindset of a queen or a servant?

Due to the many thousands of years of oppression of the feminine that we are still recovering from as a human race, you may have the mindset of a servant, and that’s not your fault.  It’s been engrained by society and passed down from your foremothers, so cut yourself some slack and know that you have the power to shift to a Queen mindset should you choose to.  

If you’re like most women in the world, across time, space, and cultures, you have a very strong practice of giving up your own needs for the needs of others.  You may be in the habit of putting your partner’s needs, your children’s needs, and your boss’ needs ahead of your own.  

I can hear the justifications going off in your mind….“but I have to put my boss’ needs first or I’ll lose my job… I have to take care of my kids, or they will starve.”  I hear you, and I encourage you to ask yourself, if that is really true?  Or is there another truth you could explore, in which you change your perception and pause long enough to nourish yourself before you feed your kids.  Could you take care of your body in some way before you begin the next task at work?  

Shifting to the Queen mindset does not have to be a massive overhaul, it doesn’t have to be a dramatic change.  It’s the subtle changes you make that give way to your life unfolding with a sense of sovereignty.  Uncovering the layers of doubt, fear and shame that inhibit your sovereignty is the first step to embodying the Queen.

Let’s pause to define sovereignty

Sovereignty is the authority to govern one’s own life with authenticity.  This means that you make choices based on what you truly want and not because you feel pressured to do so. You pause throughout the day long enough to make sure you are resourced.  You can be present with each moment and receive something joyful through the very act of being present. You have a strong connection to your body and you know when something feels off, whether physical or spiritual.

Don’t worry, you are not alone if this is something you are still finding your way to. Some people never claim their sovereignty, they spend their entire lives doing for others and making choices based on others needs and desires.  You may have been passed down a strong AND unconscious belief that you are not worthy of all the riches you wish you had….Riches in intimacy, riches in time and space to do the things you love.  Riches in health, home and finances.

If this is not you, congratulations!  While you are in the minority you have done the inner work to break free from the invisible chains of feminine oppression, and just by doing this you inspire others in your life to do the same. So, thank you!

CLAIM IT

But if that is not yet you, once you learn to embody the archetype of the Queen, you will quickly see that you are worthy of all those riches, and more!  No one will create it for you — that’s part of the Queendom you are evolving into, learning how to let go of anything that is not bringing you closer to your highest potential, and receiving anything that is. 

You have everything you need within you to create a life where you are showered in blessings and gifted with grace, but you may need some support in learning how to use what’s in you. That’s why we’ve created the Dreaming The Queen Awake One-Day Retreat.

EMBODYING THE QUEEN

The Three Steps

As you initiate yourself into Queendom there will be some decisions to make, there will be some things to let go of, there will be moments of expansion that you’ll doubt you are capable of, but rest assured; if you’re feeling stretched and uncomfortable you’re on the right path!

The Queen is the Empress of the heart. The heart and the small intestine are paired together in Chinese medicine and they are ruled by fire.  SO, since the small intestine is all about separating nutrients from waste (pure from impure), it gives you the magical powers of DISCERNMENT!  If the small intestine gets overwrought with too much to digest (in life, and on your plate), it will not have the space it needs to discern well. 

ALL ABOUT THE CONNECTION

You may have heard of the gut-brain connection.  The brain in your head and the brain in your gut both have neuropathways that mirror each other. Well this is it, discernment, knowing what is nourishing for you and what is toxic.  

Learning to discern and follow your truth brings you into a state of congruence, and when you are in that state life falls into place and the gifts reign down.  Your truth comes from your heart, which is also a neuropathway center in your body.  These three brains; the head, heart and gut all need to be in agreement about your relationship, your work, your health, your family, your home, and how you move through the world. Then you will be embodying the Queen.

The second step to embodying the Queen, is mastering your discernment.  Get this super-power dialed in and you’ll eliminate a lot of pain and heartache that takes you off course and scatters your chi.  If something is not in alignment with you becoming the Queen of your own life then send it to the waste, don’t entertain it or let it into your heart space.  If something is showing up in support to you becoming the Queen, even if it scares you, say yes to it.

The third step to Queendom is receptivity.  Receiving is the feminine greatest power, yet most women are terrible at it. The truth is that receiving involves non-doing and non-doing has been highly undervalued for eons.  But here we are, learning how to receive as a collective. No matter your gender, becoming a master at receiving will change your life for the better. 

FOCUS ON RECEIVING

To begin your practice of receiving, close your eyes and tune into your sense of sound. Listen to the furthest away sound, then listen to the closest sound, then listen to the sound of your own breath.  Awaken your sensual ears and listen.  When you are truly listening, you are in the present moment and  you can only receive what is happening in the present moment. You can receive sounds as a tangible practice, but you can also receive feelings, gifts, love, compliments, touch, and wisdom.  What are you receiving right now in this moment?

There are many layers to Embodying the Queen and there are many sectors of your life in which to do that. The question is, where do you need support in embodying the queen in your life right now?  Is it in multiple sectors or just a few specific ones?

No matter where you are at in your journey to embodying the Queen, I’ve got you back and I’m here to support you in stepping into full regality and taking the throne of self-worth and expansion as your own.

COME JOIN US for DREAMING THE QUEEN AWAKE

Shame and SEX.

Shame and Sex.

This is one of the most common places to carry shame and it is, in large part, due to religious doctrine and the cultural waters we swim in.  

You see, sex is the most potent and powerful creative energy that you have access to as a human being, it creates new life for Christ’s sake, what could be more potent than that?!

The taboo around sex keeps the shadow elements of it highly charged inside of you, making you feel like you are wrong or bad for having those feelings, fantasies or emotions.

It’s a huge waste of Chi!  

Taoists see sexuality as a healthy part of being human, and when you shut down or ignore this vital part of your health, every other part of your health takes a nose-dive.  Sleep, hormones, energy levels, digestion, immune and emotions.  Not to mention it closes a very big door on your connection to Spirit.

Exploring your sexual shadows brings significant light to your relationship with sex and with Spirit. It allows you to be more present during sexual encounters, which is where the real juice is.

A few shadows (according to the late Shakti Malan) that you might want to look at are:

  • Needing porn to get off,
  • fantasizing about others when you are with your partner,
  • always attracting the “bad boy or crazy girl” types, because they are the only types that turn you on,
  • being addicted to being “in love” or needing an element of the honeymoon phase in order to feel satisfied.
  • And finally, being obsessed with sex, always thinking about it, planning your life around it, making choices based on getting more of it….

On the other end of the spectrum from your sexual desires, you can look at your shadows of sexual fear. 

It may feel like uncharted territory to look at fears around sex, but that’s why it can be so liberating sexually to bring consciousness to them. 

Sexual fears tend to show up for many people as physical ailments like, premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, vaginismus and vaginal pain, loss of sexual desire causing dryness of the vagina, sexual trauma (which includes desires and fears all mixed together), and body armouring, which is when you shut down to the physical sensations of both pain and pleasure.

Then of course there are the shadows of sexual taboos, which come from culture and religion.

Taboos like:

  • sex should be enjoyed only in private and with your committed partner,
  • you should not get too wild during sex, you should enjoy it some, but not too much, you should always lead if you’re the man and follow if you’re the woman.
  • The list goes on, but it’s not only the actual taboos themselves that can create shame and guilt around sex, but the shadow side of these taboos as well.
  • For example if you rebel against the taboos and begin acting promiscuously, or be unfaithful just to spit in the face of the culture or exercise your “freedom” from the norm, you may very well still be ruled by the cultural idea of what sex “should” be.

The whole concept of Taoist Sexology, Tantra and other forms of sacred sexual practice is to become more authentic with your sexuality. To develop your own relationship to it, rather than living out the relationship others think you should have.

One of the biggest shadows and shame points I see with my clients is when one person starts feeling desire for someone ELSE when they are already in a monogamous relationship. 

If you’ve ever been in this predicament you know that it can really take you down.  It starts to affect your confidence, your relationship, your happiness, and your sexuality.  

The fantasies you create about this other person are so powerful they can ruin you, and the reality is that the more you resist the urges, the day dreams and maybe even the impulse to be with that person the more it persists.  

The truth is that you are not meant to get everything from one person, and coming to terms with this truth will move you through your, “crush” faster than anything.

When you desire another, that is some strong chi, that you can apply to your own health and vitality or use to boost your current relationship.

Think about it, you have a burning desire to be with someone, and they may or may not even know you exist.  It’s your desire, it’s your feeling, it comes from you and it is your responsibility.   

What would you like to do with that desire? Would you like to pursue that person? Would you like to channel that energy into your work, or your exercise routine? Would you like to transfer that energy into your sex life?

In regards to sex.  If you were fortunate your first sexual encounters were with a significant other in a safe and supportive space. 

If you were anything like me, on the other hand, it was the exact opposite.  It was far from safe and far from supportive, it may have even been nonconsensual – causing you to shut down your pleasure centers and associate sexuality with being bad or wrong. 

That is no way to live!

Sex is one of the most beautiful gifts we have been given in this lifetime.  When you are unable to open this gift and see all the beauty inside you are missing one of the most magical parts of the human experience.

So how do you heal from shame, much less become immune to it?

You have to start by identifying that there is shame.  It can be helpful to know where it comes from (pinpoint the incident or time in your life), but it is not necessary.

I recommend finding a special or sacred place in nature or in your home where you can be still and quiet enough to tune into the place in your body that you feel shame, notice the sensation of it. Is it tight, constricting, numb, dull, achy, sharp?  Does it limit your breath capacity; does it affect your heartbeat?  What happens to your nervous system when you feel this shame?

Once you have identified where it is in your body, and what it feels like place your hands there and begin to breathe into that place, expanding your inhale consciously into that place to create more space there.  If you would like to you can exhale with a sound, maybe an “AAAA,” sound to begin with, which might morph into deeper throatier sounds or even animalist growling sounds.  Repeat that breath, using the inhale to create space and using the exhale to release and clear out the current sensations of shame from your body.  Do this as long as necessary until you feel the sensation in you body change.

Depending on how long the shame has been there and how deeply you feel it you will want to keep doing this practice. I have had clients clear substantial amounts of shame in 1-3 of these sessions, for others it can take 1-3 months.  You will know when you are complete; trust your deep inner knowing. 

One of the things shame does is it takes you away from trusting yourself, and you will see that the more you clear the sensation of shame the more you will begin to trust yourself, and your future will unfold in a new direction.

Through this unfolding, you will begin to stand up for yourself, your confidence will rise and you will begin to experience a deep sense of knowing that you are worthy of love, you are worthy of joy, and that you have a fundamental, undeniable worth.

I encourage you to find support on this journey of releasing and becoming immune to shame, as it is helpful to have an objective perspective while working out the stories that created this shame to begin with.  Shame gets so ingrained in your consciousness; it can be difficult to separate yourself from it.

I am here in full support of your breakthrough, and so I offer you an Intimacy Hour with me for 80% OFF the regular cost of a coaching session. You can set yourself up with an Intimacy Hour session here.

I am wishing you a life full of joy, light, vitality and phenomenal self worth!