A client I’ve been working with for about a year recently started seeing a man who treats her like a Queen. This being extremely unfamiliar territory for her has left her wondering: Does she deserve it?

Perhaps, she thought, she should just walk away from it.

His showing of love, affection, gifts, and inclusivity was feeling like too much, and she needed some space to integrate it. However, she was not sure how to ask for that space. Instead of asking for what she needed, she considered walking away from the whole shebang—thinking maybe she’s just meant to be alone.

Upon deeper inquiry, she came to understand that she had never been treated with such deep respect and reverence. Because it was so unfamiliar, she wasn’t sure how to navigate it. The creation of a new relationship with a partner who wants to give her the world was overwhelming—especially because the things he wants to give her are not necessarily the things she wants to be given.

This is why I’m always telling folks that when entering any new relationship, it’s VERY important to teach the other person how to speak your love language.

The 5 Love Languages

In general, when someone does not know your love language, they will shower you with their own love language or they will shower you with the love language they learned from a previous relationship. Basically, they are guessing until you teach them how to love you.

Here is a quick review of the 5 love languages:

• Acts of Service: You love when your sweetie takes the trash out for you, hangs the mirror when you ask them to, or gets the oil changed in your car when it’s time.

• Words of Affirmation: You love when your sweetie tells you what a great mom you are, what an incredible cook you are, and how beautiful and smart you are.

• Gifts: You love when your sweetie brings you flowers, jewels, chocolates, and more.

• Physical Touch and Affection: You love when your sweetie caresses your arm, cuddles with you, and touches and kisses your face.

• Quality Time: You love when your sweetie spends time with you in a very present state, with no screens and no distractions.

One of the first things I recommend that all my coupled-up clients do is to read The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman together so they can really begin to understand how their partner likes to be loved, which could be totally the opposite of how they like to be loved themselves.

Navigating the Honeymoon Phase

Every relationship is a blank canvas. After the initial honeymoon phase is over, it’s time to slow things down enough to consider which paints you want to use, which brushes will serve you at this point in your life, and what colors you want to be looking at for years to come.

The honeymoon phase can last up to two years for some couples, but most women will begin to wonder where the relationship is going at about 3 to 4 months. This timeline is deeply tied to their wombs.

At three months gestation, a woman knows if her pregnancy is going to hold or not, allowing her to start making plans for her coming baby. Because there is such a strong connection between the womb and the heart, I believe a woman’s heart naturally starts to question where things are going with an exciting new connection after about three months (a trimester).

Discovering Your Inner Queen

After a powerful private coaching session, my client realized that she had manifested her King—a breakthrough that took a lot of internal work on her part. It would be far better not to throw it all away. Instead, she chose to take a pause and figure out how to tell him what feels truly nourishing to her.

She needed plenty of time and space to herself. Though she was not 100% sure what her love language was yet, she knew that all the gifts he was bombarding her with were overwhelming her senses. Gifts were not her love language—at least not the gifts he was giving.

Through our session, she found her Inner Queen, who gets to have love AND time to herself . . . 

• She does not have to apologize for who she is or where she is in her life.

• She does not have to hesitate before expressing her desires.

• She CAN and WILL state clearly what her needs are.

Ultimately, she awakened to the fact that other people’s feelings are not her responsibility, and that she only has control over her own emotions.

Step Into Your Queendom

If you are wanting to explore your own Queendom—and feel into what it means to be the Queen of your own life—I am here to guide you.

Light and Love, Dr. Willow Brown

Brilliant Photo Credit: Arian Fernandez