How Shame Feels – And What You Could Be Experiencing Instead.

Shame is the Opposite of Vitality! It’s the Silent Killer.

Shame, next to fear, is the most debilitating emotion you can endure. Whether it’s a fleeting moment of embarrassment or a deep well of intense self-doubt that’s been with you your whole life, shame steals your vital life force energy. 

Few emotions are more draining for your Chi.

What is Shame anyway? 

You know what it feels like, you’re familiar with the terrible shrinking quality that makes you want to hide your face behind your hands….

But what is shame, beyond an emotional state?

Let’s break it down. Physically shame feels like a sinking inward, a recoiling of the heart, a rounding of the shoulders, a posture of protection.  

Emotionally it oppresses your inner light.  

Shame is different from guilt.  Guilt is when you feel like you did something wrong.  Shame is when you feel like you are wrong.

Shame is a rabbit hole that keeps going and going, until you learn to stop it, clear it and become immune to it.  

Becoming immune to shame means it no longer has a grip on you. In fact you can become so immune to shame that it doesn’t even occur to you to shrink away when the person you most admire tells you you’re not good enough for them.

If you’re still living in the grips of shame, there is no shame in that.

It’s a deeply ingrained emotion that we as a human species are still climbing our way out of.  

You’ll know it still has a hold on you if you hear the word in your head, “I’m not good enough,” or “I’m just too much for most people.” 

This message is an imprint that was likely stamped into your DNA at a very early age, perhaps all the way back to when you were in the womb.

It carries on into your childhood, teens, and early adult-hood, keeping you from living out your highest potential.  

What is your highest potential? It’s the life you wish you had, the money you dream of, the home you desire, the relationship you envy.

Shame is like a wet blanket over your highest potential. It dims the light within you that is your vitality, creativity, confidence, and authentic drive.

This deep sense of shame can inhibit you well into your 30’s, 40’s, 50’s and beyond. 

It will affect your relationships.

It will affect your finances. 

It will affect your health. 

It will affect your work.

You have to choose a different path.  

A path of being worthy!

Now let’s talk about the first major shame trigger – body shame.  

Your body is your vehicle in this life, it’s a beautiful temple to be honored, tended to and cared for. If you’re stuck in body shame you will not feel that way about your vehicle (your body). 

You could have a lot of contempt for your body, especially your belly, breasts and skin or even your penis or vulva.  You might hear regularly in your head that you need to work out more, do more sit-ups, hit the trail everyday, do more push-ups so your arms don’t get flabby.  

While I’m a huge advocate of exercise, doing it in a state of resentment, shame and doubt is not healthy.  You’ve got to let go of the drill sergeant, and start talking to your body with kindness and love!

I dare you to rub some coconut oil over your least favorite parts of yourself tonight, (thighs, belly, breasts, arms) and repeat the words, “I love you, I love you, I love you.”  This sacred practice will help you transform the voice of shame, that is so loud in your mind, into one of kindness and love.

One of the most common things I see with my patients and clients is an unfortunate estrangement from the natural feminine or masculine aspects of themselves.  My client Beth, had grown up hating her body, in fact it was part of her family culture. Her Mom hated her own body and her sisters were also obsessed with the way they looked.  All these women were gorgeous in their own ways. 

Through my eyes, the Mom looked slender, healthy, a shine to her eyes and hair and a glow to her skin.  It was shocking to hear of her contempt for her body and made me quite sad for not only her daughters, but women-kind. 

Beth’s sisters were both fit, healhy, had straight teeth, nice smiles, and when she told me that their outer appearance came from a deep inner hatred of the small amount of cellulite on their thighs I cringed!

I’d like to pause here.

I have a new word for cellulite.

It’s luvulite – pronounced love-you-light! 

Try it out ladies.

And guys, if your reading, don’t go around telling your woman you love her cellulite – that will not translate well.  Instead tell her you love her legs, that she has a beautiful body and you really enjoy feeling it against yours. 

Back to Beth… in just 3 sessions we worked deeply and efficiently to eradicate the voice of shame that had been running on repeat her whole life.  It no longer has a grip on her.

Of course the “habit” of that voice has the potential to creep back in, but Beth is now armed with powerful practices and tools that are entirely unique to her, they came from within her.  So she can battle that shame anytime it tries to sneak back in with ease and grace, until the “habit” of body shame is completely replaced with the “habit” of acceptance and love.

Now that she is no longer stuck on the body shame hamster wheel, she can start to see herself as a woman, and embrace her femininity in the way she has always envied other women doing.

She can let go of her masculine, militant, “work harder, push further,” voice and start listening to a new voice that says, “yes, child, that’s the way, if that feels good in your body then do it.”  and, “well beautiful girl, I think today is a resting day, no need to push yourself while you’re bleeding, just rest it out.”

My client Mark, is one of those sensitive kind of guys, he carried a heavy load of shame around being this way.  

He’d grown up with a very “man’s man” kind of father and his brother took after his Dad, so that left Mark always wondering what was wrong with him…. Why did he have to feel so much?

Mark could not remember a time he did not feel shame, self-doubt, and self-hatred.  He had always been sensitive to words, looks, energetic frequencies, vibes from others.  He felt this especially from his family, and lived with this very ‘grating” feeling that no one understood him, therefore he felt he’d never find anyone who could.

Our journey together took more time, but within 6 sessions Mark was able to peel away several of the thick layers of doubt and shame that kept him from attracting relationships where he was truly understood.

He had to let go of some friends and come to terms with certain family members, he had to understand them, rather than trying so hard to get them to understand him. This completely changed the way he related to the world around him…. And what do you know?  The world around him began to shift.

He just started dating a gorgeous girl, who deeply admires his innate sensitive nature!  He is now finding a beautiful balance within himself in relation to his masculine and feminine energies.  

Regardless of your gender, orientation, or identification, you have a masculine side, who gets sh*^ done, and you have a feminine side who enjoys just being.

When you have a healthy relationship to both of these sides you become more whole, more of you is available and you are walking in the presence of your highest potential.

Let me know – Do you experience BODY SHAME ? And if you do, what does it stop you from experiencing?

If you want help releasing that for GOOD – book your Intimacy Hour with me. This is the absolute most inexpensive way begin to work with me – and you’ll be blown away at what is possible in just 1 hour of dedicated support.

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